I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You took a bar mat shot.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
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