There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
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Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
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It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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