did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
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NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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