we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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