Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
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I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
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i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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