What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize