u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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