Walk of Shame. In a state park.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
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