Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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