I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize