you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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