He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
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I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
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I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
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