whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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