those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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