she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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