don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
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Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
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I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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