Whatcha textin bout Willis?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
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Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
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Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
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