you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize