ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
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Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
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Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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