Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize