Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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