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I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
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