i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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