True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
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I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
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Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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