if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
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I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
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The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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