it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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