if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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