You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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