just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize