Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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