I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
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