The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
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