If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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