shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
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Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
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