I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize