The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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