The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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