He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
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I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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