No more Irish car bombs ever.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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