you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
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Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
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I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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