Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
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As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
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Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
dude. I can hear the air.
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