The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
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He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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