Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Let's get the cat blown out
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Randomize