You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
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