my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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