Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
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I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
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He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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