i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize