I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
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He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
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Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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