Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
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I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
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He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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