just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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